I feel so lost right now. Everything threatens to spiral out of control except for my composure. Debts to pay, obligations to meet. Targets to force. Did I really think I could do it all? The rest of the world moves on smilingly and asks, “How are you?” I reply in panic but the world has already moved on and hasn’t heard my answer. Was I really so out of touch with reality when I was planning that I am stuck trying to pay people back? Didn’t I refuse to get into debt after I paid back all the other ones? Why is it that when I insist on it not happening again it has happened again?

Image by Simon Howden

Is my voice not loud and clear enough to be heard or will I forever be the silent partner whose input is only heard when there’s money to be spent? The idea is I have control but when action comes about my bank account is empty and I am part of the blamed party when those funds are needed.

I’m sitting with questions, wondering where my backbone will snap into place and I’ll take the reins and pull everything out of the mire.

I am just so tired of being the voice unheard. How can I be lost in my own dream?