Moods Of P

A walk through my words


December 2012


They appeared to us in a world created by our minds.
She was the embodiment of life, vibrant, volatile.
He was the silent one, like a shadow, always there.
They are our creations.

Their characters are perfectly formed.
Father’s and mother’s influence barely discernible.
They are kept alive by the love of two minds.
He barely exists as the love between us fades.

She is her father’s heart.
As his heart beats, her liveliness colours our world.
As my fear grows, our boy disappears.
Years in the making, moments to destroy.



I’ve watched him have his heartbroken time & time again
Each one promises he’ll never feel his heart break from the labour of her sin.
To cherish him & build him whole
She swears from the bottom of her soul.

Depression takes its toll as his heart plummets once more to the floor.
Her innocent, sweet face he caught in bed & in between the hands of the boy next door
Her moans of pleasure as he plundered her treasures, replaced
By choking as if she swallowed feathers.

Hidden blows, sarcasm, wit & chivalry
A small wounded boy sits as he attempts to rid himself of envy & seeds of rivalry
The resentment, the fear, the insecurity of it all. He wouldn’t be able to bear it again if he truly let himself fall.

His heart is
Unbothered, untethered by the anchor love is
He holds few regrets & refuses to look into his past because the future & present is where his attention is at.

He had a heart and by the many shes he entrusted it to it was broken
And so he is a shell of the child-Man that once was before his soul was bared and stripped naked of its masculine glory until all that was left is the jagged pieces of what should be his heart


We sojourn to the ends of the Earth
In search of people, places & times
Only to find that the people, have been next to us; the places, we’ve already been to & their preciousness lies in the memories we created while searching them out & times that only retrospection can tell us.

We explore the psyche’s of others & study their tomes
Only to find what we sought was from within us all along
Each step taken away from home
Builds us up into the one we imagined we were all along.



My body is a temple
The housing of the spirit which gives the body life
Its violation is a terrible sin
Tainting even, the spirit within.


Like soldies trained to follow commands they wait for me
as if I am a General with a heavy hand.
I thought I’d taught them to make their own decisions
Yet, they all seem to linger in indecisions.

They keep waiting for a plan
meanwhile life dictates days
that they feel were meant for some other man

Frustration wells
as I have the urge to scream, “what the hell?!”
Surely these sentient, social creatures
cannot be waiting for a sign from my deliberately silent features?

Woe unto them who from me seek guidance
I only offer what can or should be done.
As far as giving orders, I’m done, no more telling anyone what to do or where to go or where they should be.

I sit back and watch in a corner
That’s the new me.
Surely someone else will find it natural to take over
Alas, there is no one new to replace me.

Shoulda, coulda, woulda (but didn’t)

I coulda, shoulda been career forward
instead of learning how my soul progresses heavenward.
Shoulda, coulda, woulds gotten a husband, 2 kids, a picket fence
I’m still not sure if my heart would be satisfied with that hence
I say, shoulda, woulda, coulda…


Perfection in a Cave

we have nothing
But perfection in a cave.
The floor is bare,
the walls are just there,
And yet, it is perfection in a cave.

He teaches me to be my true self,
he helps me control my rage,
I don’t know where I’d be without his help,
possibly lost within myself, a man-made cage.

He helps me see the beauty within
keeps my mind from the dark,
the rage, betrayal and frustration I’ve been,
He’s taught me the value of a spark.

He is my soul as I am his
and yet his heart to another he’s pledged.
She rescued him from the dark of his dread to her, his allegiance is already more than alleged.
She occupies his heart, body and mind.

And yet in our cave of my new birth,
he teaches me, myself and reminds me of our creation.
He’s brought a mat for the hearth
and our cave is perfection.

She would slaughter me,
if she knew of my invasion.
His heart is pure and intentions good.
Set me free to be,
is his guiding intention.
Yet I seek for our expansion.

Not merely friends but lovers
for life
She feels my pursuit of him
I will be his wife
Her essence around us hovers.

I will take control
Only he doesn’t know.
He’s already begun to speak of her as though she’s the past.
She sees it and is ready to let go.

Image courtesy of wiangya:
Image courtesy of wiangya:

With her,
the world they’d built is vast
all I have is a cave, built to last.
With me he can conquer the world, at last.

Right now, all I have is this cave
She has his heart, body and mind
In this cave I harbour his past and future
she sought it & my plans did find
He doesn’t know it but her, his heart to me she gave
when she saw we have perfection in a cave.

The Rush

get married,
have kids,
get a raise,
get promoted.

Raise kids,
teach kids,
look good,
talk well,
never stop smiling.


Drop off kids,
pick up kids,
cosset husband,
nourish husband,
nourish kids,
prepare for tomorrow.

Get up,
wake up kids,
wake up hubby,
get dressed,
go to work.

Raise kids,
get frustrated,
see kids succeed,
feel elated.

Fight with kids,
ground kids,
beat kids,
scream you wish you never had kids.

See them grow,
see them learn,
wipe away their tears,
see them love,
look back nostalgically on your child-raising fears.

Watch the kids leave,
watch hubby: more & more to soccer cleave.

Listen to empty rooms,
polish spotless floors.
At one point everything was in a rush, you had things to do and bills to pay.
Now there’s no banging of doors.
Nor children at play.

suddenly when all is quiet you realize,
there was no rush
just you trying to get a list done
instead of living life and having fun.

Now you seek to creat a rush:
for your kids,
accomplishments you woulda done
go on holiday under the Italian sun
ski in the Rockies
buy the grand kids walkie talkies

push, push, push,
You never had time to sit on your lazy tush
and so your struggle begins
and the peace with the kids ends.

Kilowatt Smile

His eyes are my favourite shade of chocolate, dark brown and liquid.
His gaze is direct and unflinching.
My curiosity begs to become the source of his 1000 kilowatt smile.

His spirit reminds me of the days I used to giggle at the stars and fear nothing.
His mind is like a maze I want to explore.
The more I talk to him, the less I can ignore:
his 1000 kilowatt smile.

His laughter is like rain, after the unbearable summer heat.
But maybe, just maybe, all these thoughts are just sparks.
After all, whoever said a thousand kilowatt smile can’t light an already occupied heart?

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