I had love once but I let it go.
I knew that I didn’t deserve it
I had love once but I couldn’t nurture his soul
I knew that he’d find out my secret.

I had love once but now he’s free
I couldn’t bear the truth in his eyes
I was scared that he’d discover the real me
I thought he’d realize we weren’t right

I had love once, but I let him go
Talking to him was like a seedling in the sun
He was the one who I let my love for grow
Being with him was better than an exhilarating run

I had love once
But it doesn’t show
I had love once
But I can’t let anyone know

I’m still too scared,
to bear my heart
He gave me a chance to be brave
My soul was scared from the start
When my chance came I couldn’t stay

My heart reaches out to him
My words say that there’s nothing he can give me that I need
My body acts as if he’s made of sin
My mind pretends that his action are centred on greed.

I had love once before
I turned it into something baser
His love was pure but no more
Now he acts as if I’m his time waster

While I can pretend that I’m all good
One thing is certain
I’ve done all I could
To pervert a love true & turn it into a stain
just another mark on his soul of what could’ve been

As I wait for that final moment
when he looks at me & takes that final breath
Before opening his mouth & saying the
words that I’ve come to dread.
I close my eyes & remember that I had love once before
but that’s all gone, it is no more.
21/1/12

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