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Moods Of P

A walk through my words

Month

September 2014

Lost Child Part 2

Stillborn

At first I was thrilled

a child of my very own

Then with fear I was chilled

for your father was not mine alone.

 

For months you were shrouded in secret.

For your own good, I told myself,

I would keep your paternity secret.

For my sanity, he would honour our union himself.

 

We would talk you and I

I would tell you my dreams for you

When I was alone you would comfort me as I cry

In joy I planned and prayed for my dream come true

 

Then finally the day came when I would see

the child born of my womb

It was so hard to believe together we would finally be

What I didn’t expect was to have to buy your tomb.

 

Your face was perfection

Your smile an eternal image in my mind

Your eyes closed in eternal sleep my final impression

of a child I only held after death.

 

I’ve come to say good bye

I’m saddened that I never got to say hello

You’re all I imagined you would be

You were born with the life you kicked within me no more.

 

Maybe if I had rested more,

Maybe if I had told the world

Maybe if I hadn’t sinned before

Maybe if I had been more bold

 

I wonder if you knew

just how much my child, I loved

I loved you

23/06/2014

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Lost Child Part 1

Unborn

The first two I never got to hold

All I have are the memories that now make me cold,

The elation of knowing that love bore creation

in the finest symbol of perfect love.

 

At least that’s what I thought

Though answer my call he would not

Even then,

his seed was, in my eyes without sin.

 

I looked forward to the day

I would embrace a little one

I looked forward to wiping his or her tears away

I wondered how he would react when in fact he learnt that he had a daughter or son.

 

And then my plans of what to purchase when

all came to a bleeding end

My joy of holding a bouncing baby died

There was no one to tell of the tears I cried

14/06/2014

You Make Me Feel..

You make me feel…

like no other should ever

                hold my hand

                ask me to dance

                caress my skin

                show me what love is

 

You make me feel..

                like I have

                won a prize

                achieved a sought after goal

                now considered myself whole

                finally come home

 

You make me feel

                like the journey

                is about to become an adventure

                is taking on a new exciting twist

                hadn’t started &

                is about to begin

 

You make me feel

                like I can & want to be

                mother

                nurturer

                the reprieve you seek at the end of a hard day

                the spark that ignites you

 

(laugh) You make me feel

                real & alive (again)

                happy to have found my friend

                content to be myself

                inspired to help you be yourself

 

oh, you make me feel

                the sun as it plays subtle notes on my skin

                the rain as it cleans the grime away

                laughter as if it’s clothes I’m meant to be wearin

                pain as it should be: but for a day

 

yes, you make me feel

                like the time I’ve been waiting for has arrived

                like time has no grip

                like love’s making another trip

                like the war has come & I survived,

 

then again, you’ve always made me feel

                real & alive

                happy to have a friend

                content as myself

                inspired because you are yourself

22/02/2011

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