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Moods Of P

A walk through my words

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Perfection in a Cave

we have nothing
But perfection in a cave.
The floor is bare,
the walls are just there,
And yet, it is perfection in a cave.

He teaches me to be my true self,
he helps me control my rage,
I don’t know where I’d be without his help,
possibly lost within myself, a man-made cage.

He helps me see the beauty within
keeps my mind from the dark,
the rage, betrayal and frustration I’ve been,
He’s taught me the value of a spark.

He is my soul as I am his
and yet his heart to another he’s pledged.
She rescued him from the dark of his dread to her, his allegiance is already more than alleged.
She occupies his heart, body and mind.

And yet in our cave of my new birth,
he teaches me, myself and reminds me of our creation.
He’s brought a mat for the hearth
and our cave is perfection.

She would slaughter me,
if she knew of my invasion.
His heart is pure and intentions good.
Set me free to be,
is his guiding intention.
Yet I seek for our expansion.

Not merely friends but lovers
for life
She feels my pursuit of him
I will be his wife
Her essence around us hovers.

I will take control
Only he doesn’t know.
He’s already begun to speak of her as though she’s the past.
She sees it and is ready to let go.

Image courtesy of wiangya: Freedigitalphotos.net
Image courtesy of wiangya: Freedigitalphotos.net

With her,
the world they’d built is vast
all I have is a cave, built to last.
With me he can conquer the world, at last.

Right now, all I have is this cave
She has his heart, body and mind
In this cave I harbour his past and future
she sought it & my plans did find
He doesn’t know it but her, his heart to me she gave
when she saw we have perfection in a cave.
20/11/2012

Hunger

When I looked up I saw a boy with the most beautiful brown eyes. Oh his eyes were the colour of dark amber on fire, brown with gold flecks. I asked him what his name was and he told me he was hunger. I knew he lied not. Not to me. Not then. And so I learnt what hunger was and I embraced hunger, learning from, rejecting & accepting hunger.

Image by graur codrin

For never before had I know how privileged I was & how much more there was yet for me to learn. Today I yearn for hunger that is real & reminds me of how lucky I am to be alive & in the back of my mind I know I still have hunger with me or I would not know how many times death has crossed my path & I would not be grateful for the chance to act out my gratitude in small actions.

Image by David Castillo Dominici

I’m very far from the road of wanton disregard for the gift I’ve got and still I have a long way to go before I get to that place I dream of where I do not need to know & yet know…the secrets of the universe lie open to all who would seek them. They lie in plain view & yet the absorption we have with being what we already are keeps us from seeing. Keeps us from becoming what we admire & find amazingly impossible.

Image by Danilo Rizzuti

The magic lies within & when you know it you will try but because your faith is week because you are weak, you will not see it nor become it.

Featured post

Break Up

“I’m not saying that I don’t love you coz baby I love you so much,” she began. “I just need to grow, find out what life is.” She looked into his eyes and placed a hand over his. “Please try to understand that I just can’t go on the way that we are.” She paused as she saw the unshed tears in his eyes. Her heart twisted as guilt began to creep into her mind like a heavy fog. Her next sentence was caught in her throat. Looking behind him for strength she cut off his sentence. “I know what you are about to say and I can’t. Not anymore. I’ve felt like this over 5 times in the last seven months.” She took a deep breath as her voice threatened to rise and the resentment at his inability to see her pain mounted.  This is why it had to end. She was always bending to accommodate his needs. She was bent beyond recognition and needed to stretch.

“I don’t want to keep hurting. I love you.” She saw him shake his head.  “I do, it would be very relieving and much easier if I didn’t. Every time I try it gets harder.” The tears that he blinked away rolled down her cheeks. “I’m so sorry I had to do it this way but I have to make a clean break. I have to let go.”

The pain in his expression echoed the pain she felt in her heart. It burned deeper and hotter the more she looked at him, she looked away, “I’m sorry to hurt you this way and for being a coward before. I won’t change my mind again. I can’t. Please for the both of us, please, don’t make me change.” She turned to leave.

“Why? Just tell me why after more than a year.” His voice was clear, deepened by a raw emotion she couldn’t name. His face was like the sky just before a storm was about to break, darkening with every passing second. His hand clenched and unclenched. She had the urge to take a step back but held her ground.

Why? She couldn’t think of a single reason as she looked into the tear-filled brown eyes. She forgot the insecurities, the heart ache, and the frustration. Not a single instance could she bring to word.

“For reasons I’ll remember tomorrow.” She barely whispered as her throat threatened to close. She swallowed and yet, it still felt dry and tight.

He laughed bitterly. “Dat’s bullshit and we both know it. Give me something better, something I can believe.”

“Nothing I could ever say would be good enough for you. Besides it would probably be wrong grammatically anyway so why should I bother?” She smiled sadly thinking of the last time he shamed her for stating something wrongly. Her syntax had been wrong and he’d pounded into her verbally for being a verbal slob. “Good bye ba’e. I hope we meet again; resolved, without tension, anger, fear or guilt.”

She walked away promising herself she wouldn’t look back, ever. With every step a new-found freedom seemed to lighten the burden on her shoulders. Each step took her further away from him, towards the unknown.

Now that she had done it she felt so empty, so alone. Who would make her laugh when no one else could? Who would fight the demons that pursued her relentlessly reminding her of past sins?

As the sun broke free from the clouds that she hadn’t realized were there; the answer came. Who else but Him, Ruler of all, Father, Friend?

 

Image credit: http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/images/view_photog.php?photogid=2188

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