Moods Of P

A walk through my words




Somehow in the torrent of the words that his presence evoked she found the words that unlocked the man he’d always wanted to be.
As he gingerly stepped out and away from the shackles that had had him bound year after year her next words coaxed the precious first steps to freedom.
Her heart sang to see him unbound. With a smile she hid her fears.
Gently she walked with him until he was able to run.
In, out, around she coached him. Suddenly he realized he was flying and she was right with him.
To dizzying heights he ascended til at last somewhere up high he looked back for her.
A speck in the distance he called to her.
Her weak response was laced with pain.
His mind went back to their early days and he recalled she’d always had broken wings.
Swooping down with alarming speed he raced towards the ground.
There he found her in a free fall just before the rocky ground.
He swooped under her and carried her away.
On a nest of firm branches covered in cotton and heather he laid her gently down.
Her breathing ragged and distressed he tended her in his nest.
Daily he flew far and wide in search of the thing that could cure his bride.
Daily he tended each broken bone amazed that he had never known or guessed the extent of her damage.
At last it was her turn to heal, & he had had the honouring of furnishing every meal and providing her shelter.
His call lured her into the skies and each time her wings failed her he broke her fall until they were flying high.
If you look carefully into the skies you will see them to this day flying high.
Both had been left for dead by the ones who had come before now they fly high forever more.
Seek the one who would and could switch from invalid to healer or allow you to heal them in their darkest hour.
Be the fertile ground upon which the most delicate of seeds will flower into the strong and mighty tree rooted firmly in you providing you shade and protection from the storms.
That’s what she told me before breathing her final breath in the shade of a mighty oak.
And so my dear friends I leave you the tale of the lovers that could switch.



Lost Child Part 2


At first I was thrilled

a child of my very own

Then with fear I was chilled

for your father was not mine alone.


For months you were shrouded in secret.

For your own good, I told myself,

I would keep your paternity secret.

For my sanity, he would honour our union himself.


We would talk you and I

I would tell you my dreams for you

When I was alone you would comfort me as I cry

In joy I planned and prayed for my dream come true


Then finally the day came when I would see

the child born of my womb

It was so hard to believe together we would finally be

What I didn’t expect was to have to buy your tomb.


Your face was perfection

Your smile an eternal image in my mind

Your eyes closed in eternal sleep my final impression

of a child I only held after death.


I’ve come to say good bye

I’m saddened that I never got to say hello

You’re all I imagined you would be

You were born with the life you kicked within me no more.


Maybe if I had rested more,

Maybe if I had told the world

Maybe if I hadn’t sinned before

Maybe if I had been more bold


I wonder if you knew

just how much my child, I loved

I loved you


Lost Child Part 1


The first two I never got to hold

All I have are the memories that now make me cold,

The elation of knowing that love bore creation

in the finest symbol of perfect love.


At least that’s what I thought

Though answer my call he would not

Even then,

his seed was, in my eyes without sin.


I looked forward to the day

I would embrace a little one

I looked forward to wiping his or her tears away

I wondered how he would react when in fact he learnt that he had a daughter or son.


And then my plans of what to purchase when

all came to a bleeding end

My joy of holding a bouncing baby died

There was no one to tell of the tears I cried


You Make Me Feel..

You make me feel…

like no other should ever

                hold my hand

                ask me to dance

                caress my skin

                show me what love is


You make me feel..

                like I have

                won a prize

                achieved a sought after goal

                now considered myself whole

                finally come home


You make me feel

                like the journey

                is about to become an adventure

                is taking on a new exciting twist

                hadn’t started &

                is about to begin


You make me feel

                like I can & want to be



                the reprieve you seek at the end of a hard day

                the spark that ignites you


(laugh) You make me feel

                real & alive (again)

                happy to have found my friend

                content to be myself

                inspired to help you be yourself


oh, you make me feel

                the sun as it plays subtle notes on my skin

                the rain as it cleans the grime away

                laughter as if it’s clothes I’m meant to be wearin

                pain as it should be: but for a day


yes, you make me feel

                like the time I’ve been waiting for has arrived

                like time has no grip

                like love’s making another trip

                like the war has come & I survived,


then again, you’ve always made me feel

                real & alive

                happy to have a friend

                content as myself

                inspired because you are yourself


Wrong Time

My stomach cramps &
a pain like no other both hot & cold seizes my back.
Nausea grips me as a fever flushes my face &
I see my vision threaten to go black.

Fear grips me as the pains intensify.
Panic sets in as tears well in my eyes,
blood trickles out of me and my face
suddenly cools as nausea dictates a new pace.

The life within me is not yet due.
I clutch my belly praying for a false alarm.
My brain tries with all its might to instil calm.
Oh God, this can’t be true, my baby’s not yet due!

My hand reaches for my phone as
I ponder who yet is at home.
I call my lover & his phone just rings.
I try again only to hear a fat lady sing.

My fear says pray & call your mother, I dial and her calm tones, release pain’s grip.
The pain & blood increase & I feel my consciousness slip.
The thought of sleep welcomes me for a while.
Then I think of the fruit of my womb & I remember it is much too soon.
I clutch my belly writhing in pain, hoping, praying
I call my lover & hear the same lady and tune
The thought of losing my little one spurs a torrent of biblical sayings.

I feel the need to push &
I wonder if I could’ve coped in the bush
This is completely the wrong time
& yet I seek the power to draw my own line
completely fade without a sign.

I awaken to white walls, antiseptic smells & doctor calls.
I see the flowers & the cards & my hope glimmers like shards of broken glass.
I reach for my phone; I need to call him & him alone. As it rings and fruitless banter ensues I wonder how I could ever think that I could do it alone.

Tears well in my eyes.
I swallow my pride after all the baby did come as a surprise.
Grief swallows me whole as my despair towards a pole
North or south it is pointless which route as the sobs are pulled out of my mouth.
When at last the last tear has died & the ache deep within my heart has finally subsided I reach within my reserves as I kiss the wind and wish my baby the better life it would have if he’d just remained frozen & untampered.

On a whim, I search for my lover, friend & find him absent.
On my knees I search for my Father, Friend & find him waiting & ever-present.
I whisper fervent prayers & excuses why I haven’t always been there.

Peace settles in my soul & once again I feel whole.
Enter my lover, friend who would come to me again.
This time as love I restrain from being party to this dance again.
As my tears in memory of our loss well I wonder if my lover I will ever tell
of a wrong time, a child, mine, lost at the wrong time.


Watch it

Lemme shake ma hair
show you that I really don’t care
Lemme move my hips
make you wish you kissed deez lips

My rhythm is slow and y’all
think that I don’t know
Y’all can’t sip your tea
without talking about me

This time I’m on fire & y’all
know like the phoenix I don’t tire
Easy does it, bet y’all
hoping that I flub it

Bring you easy rhymes while
I wax lyrical
I can change my tempo
but y’all just cynical
So I keep it flowin and
leave y’all knowin

that the cat is back
in this space & you best watch it

Want but don’t need

“Miss Independent”
That’s how Ne-yo sings it.
Baby understand
that I want you as my man

I don’t need you,
for the sun to rise
I don’t need you,
to open my eyes

When I wake up, I wonder what would happen
if you were actually here
When things go bump at night,
I tell myself there’s nothing to fear

I don’t need you
to make the blue skies
I don’t need you
after my tears dry

“She’s got her own”
That’s Ne-yo’s song
Baby know that I don’t need your money,
just be funny.

I don’t need you
for me to watch the sunrise
I don’t need you and if you ain’t what I want
I can and will say good-bye.


Shadow Games

We play Shadow Games
he & I
Shooting Cupid’s arrows

First shots were double bull’s eyes
Society’s thoughts the fortified, electric fence
we had to cross.
Happiness waited patiently on the other end

Days became a decade
& we woke up to find society’s standards
had changed.
In fact we’d become exactly who Society had said
we needed to be.

Time came & went
& just when I thought all my chips were spent I
found myself smiling at something he said
Days later my knees were weakened

By his words
As I cling to walls to break
lustful falls
I wonder how I could’ve been so wrong

Butterflies play in my stomach
His written words play havoc with my senses
Memories of close moments
have me catching hints of his fragrance

I turn to embrace him
My arms connect with air
Just as quickly as I thought
he was there

I realise I’m chasing his shadow
My footsteps soon take me to his
Wave after wave of regret
of a love lost after we’d met



At one point I was owned.
He had me & could direct my actions
I knew he would lead me to better, always
I had freedom to be
I had all I wanted as well as little things that made me happy

He knew that every inch inside & out
was his if he desired it
He knew that if he bid it
my action was as he wanted, no doubt

We occupied the same space
We were one in two bodies
Every part of him I could see
Every part of him I was willing to be

I was owned once
I was he & he was me
Our thoughts were one
I saw what he saw & he knew what I knew

I owned once
I had more than I could imagine
even when all I had was me
I could create with, for, to, just

I yearn to return to the state
My pictures are defiled &
my mind in tatters
I yield to my current fate

I owned once
there was no separation
we were just me
& I was totally & completely free


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