Switch

Somehow in the torrent of the words that his presence evoked she found the words that unlocked the man he’d always wanted to be.
As he gingerly stepped out and away from the shackles that had had him bound year after year her next words coaxed the precious first steps to freedom.
Her heart sang to see him unbound. With a smile she hid her fears.
Gently she walked with him until he was able to run.
In, out, around she coached him. Suddenly he realized he was flying and she was right with him.
To dizzying heights he ascended til at last somewhere up high he looked back for her.
A speck in the distance he called to her.
Her weak response was laced with pain.
His mind went back to their early days and he recalled she’d always had broken wings.
Swooping down with alarming speed he raced towards the ground.
There he found her in a free fall just before the rocky ground.
He swooped under her and carried her away.
On a nest of firm branches covered in cotton and heather he laid her gently down.
Her breathing ragged and distressed he tended her in his nest.
Daily he flew far and wide in search of the thing that could cure his bride.
Daily he tended each broken bone amazed that he had never known or guessed the extent of her damage.
At last it was her turn to heal, & he had had the honouring of furnishing every meal and providing her shelter.
His call lured her into the skies and each time her wings failed her he broke her fall until they were flying high.
If you look carefully into the skies you will see them to this day flying high.
Both had been left for dead by the ones who had come before now they fly high forever more.
Seek the one who would and could switch from invalid to healer or allow you to heal them in their darkest hour.
Be the fertile ground upon which the most delicate of seeds will flower into the strong and mighty tree rooted firmly in you providing you shade and protection from the storms.
That’s what she told me before breathing her final breath in the shade of a mighty oak.
And so my dear friends I leave you the tale of the lovers that could switch.
28.03.2016

pcb

You Make Me Feel..

You make me feel…

like no other should ever

                hold my hand

                ask me to dance

                caress my skin

                show me what love is

 

You make me feel..

                like I have

                won a prize

                achieved a sought after goal

                now considered myself whole

                finally come home

 

You make me feel

                like the journey

                is about to become an adventure

                is taking on a new exciting twist

                hadn’t started &

                is about to begin

 

You make me feel

                like I can & want to be

                mother

                nurturer

                the reprieve you seek at the end of a hard day

                the spark that ignites you

 

(laugh) You make me feel

                real & alive (again)

                happy to have found my friend

                content to be myself

                inspired to help you be yourself

 

oh, you make me feel

                the sun as it plays subtle notes on my skin

                the rain as it cleans the grime away

                laughter as if it’s clothes I’m meant to be wearin

                pain as it should be: but for a day

 

yes, you make me feel

                like the time I’ve been waiting for has arrived

                like time has no grip

                like love’s making another trip

                like the war has come & I survived,

 

then again, you’ve always made me feel

                real & alive

                happy to have a friend

                content as myself

                inspired because you are yourself

22/02/2011

Shadow Games

We play Shadow Games
he & I
Shooting Cupid’s arrows
sky-high

First shots were double bull’s eyes
Society’s thoughts the fortified, electric fence
we had to cross.
Happiness waited patiently on the other end

Days became a decade
& we woke up to find society’s standards
had changed.
In fact we’d become exactly who Society had said
we needed to be.

Time came & went
& just when I thought all my chips were spent I
found myself smiling at something he said
Days later my knees were weakened

By his words
As I cling to walls to break
lustful falls
I wonder how I could’ve been so wrong

Butterflies play in my stomach
His written words play havoc with my senses
Memories of close moments
have me catching hints of his fragrance

I turn to embrace him
My arms connect with air
Just as quickly as I thought
he was there

I realise I’m chasing his shadow
My footsteps soon take me to his
grave
Wave after wave of regret
of a love lost after we’d met

22/07/2013

Owned

At one point I was owned.
He had me & could direct my actions
I knew he would lead me to better, always
I had freedom to be
I had all I wanted as well as little things that made me happy

He knew that every inch inside & out
was his if he desired it
He knew that if he bid it
my action was as he wanted, no doubt

We occupied the same space
We were one in two bodies
Every part of him I could see
Every part of him I was willing to be

I was owned once
I was he & he was me
Our thoughts were one
I saw what he saw & he knew what I knew

I owned once
I had more than I could imagine
even when all I had was me
I could create with, for, to, just

I yearn to return to the state
My pictures are defiled &
my mind in tatters
I yield to my current fate

I owned once
there was no separation
we were just me
& I was totally & completely free

11/08/2013

Loved

I tried loving once
it didn’t quite work.
I gave it all away
only to learn that doesn’t work

I gave the best of me
heart, soul
I discovered that it wasn’t enough
it was too old.

I gave my 2nd best
and it was enough
I just couldn’t carry
on with the bluff

I gave my 3rd best
and it was just right.
In the end I fled
because the lie was not right.

Then I tried everything
in between…
time wasted, fun had
lessons learned.

Then I was loved
from the beginning
to the near end.
Creation on spheres
I had forgotten…

It was too good to be true
and fear gripped me
The intensity was right
My flame burnt blue
I had everything I wanted in sight
The only problem was me

I couldn’t be me
Not entirely
What if love knew
What I could truly do?
What if love could see
The real me?

Would love stay?
When my true colours came to play
What would love do in plain sight of my ugly?
Would it still want to hug me?

I did as cowards do
I cowered in a cave and
Recreated sin in the place of peace
And yet love stayed true
And remained within reach

That was when I became falsely brave
and destroyed everything
My lies tore the place of peace apart
Love could no longer rave
On about the now demolished heart

14/04/2014

Love: Quit, leave stop

My mind’s in a tumble,
thot things was s’posed to be simple
Listening to the classics, love ‘em just the way they are
See my dimple
Here & now I promise
What am I trying to say
that I-?
Suppose that it’s just a CD anyway
Time to go. Quit, leave stop
Circa June 2005

It hurts

I see her head hanging, I see the tears roll down her cheek. I wonder if I should open my mouth. I wonder if I should scream and shout.
It hurts to see her so sad & honestly I really feel bad. As my anger boils & bubbles frustration closes my throat & tears well in my eyes.
What happens behind closed doors is really none of my business. But her tears are my weakness. What I see hurts. I see her lip tremble as she tries to smile. He’s hurting her & it kills me to have to see her in pain as she tries to navigate the emotional landmines of her mind.
I feel as if I should shake her & make her see the errors of his ways. She loves him that is plain to see. The question is after they’re behind closed doors who will she believe him or me?
I mean, it’s not like he hits her, at least I hope not. God that would make the situation far worse. I really feel upset & I can tell he knows there’s no way they’re done, yet.
How was she to know that the change she expected would become much worse? We always thought he was off. I never thought to say I mean, since it was never my piece to say. He never came to family functions, he never attended her parties & her friends thought he was arrogant.
(Sigh). We saw him & his attitude & we thought her love was enough.
(laughs) Ah! Guess not. But I can’t stand to see her like this. It hurts. She greets him and he barely nods.
I swallow my resentment. I take a deep breath. I take her hand & say let’s pray, thanking God for his providence that day

I saw it coming

As daylight nears and I reach for him in search of soothe I realize he’s not yet back. I suppose the signs were always there, his delay in offering for my hand in traditional marriage, his reluctance to express his means of income, his desire for me to leave work to care for our child.
My hope was to start a family.
My fear was that my love would not be enough
It started rather well, I thought, not too many hiccups & just enough love.

He started coming home later & later.
I had to start borrowing money for our baby’s diapers.
We went to bed, the maid & I eating peanuts and sipping black tea.
For a very long time I tried to let things be.

Slowly but surely his reactions to questions of his source of income became harsher, sometimes I wasn’t sure he’d be home today or the day after.
I started rationing our food despite his protestation & alarming moods.

The straw that broke the camel’s back, was when he fed left over beef to our dog, leaving the fridge, freezer, pantry empty.
The panic & fear that gripped my heart felt icy cold & lingered for days.

Rent hasn’t been paid, the maid has gone telling our neighbours of how we lived.
I’m potty training our child just in case things get worse.
I’ve been to his sisters & they said they’d set him straight. It has been four months now and I’m yet to feel a change.

There are no jobs that I can take, the work load at home, the baby it’s all I have time for.
I had to cut my hair & lived on the verge of getting dreadlocks, not out of my own desire but hope that he would see that I wasn’t making up stories about needing to get my hair done.

I’m tired, heartbroken & weary.
If it wasn’t for my family’s support, I think I’d be dead, depressed & completely out of sorts.
I’ve been warned that he may try to hit me. I shudder & pray things will improve. The depth of the hurt he’s given me makes me doubt anyone could do worse.
His words are violent, my soul reels from the pain.
Ask me if I love him I’ll tell you yes, again & again.

I’ve resolved that it is over & we are in the beginning of the end.
I’ve made the best of the bad process I hope my child will understand.
08/01/2012

Granted

What makes you think that I don’t need affection?
What makes you believe that I don’t see your actions as rejection?
When did I ever say that I don’t want your love?
When did you decide that I don’t deserve your hugs?

How do you sleep without knowing how I am?
How do you make it through the day without hearing my voice?
When will you see that if you let me I’d give you all I am?
When will you see that I’ve always given you a choice?

What makes you think that I’ll still be here tomorrow?
What makes you think that I enjoy the depth of this sorrow?
When will you realize that I am safer loving you from a distance?
When will you realize that you’ve been staging silent resistance?
22/01/2012